life Archives - Emily A. Clark

My (Not So) Funny Valentine

Feb142019

My husband would be the first to tell you that Valentine’s Day around here hasn’t always been so funny. Well, it is now that we’re 18+ years into marriage and too busy to dwell on it, but at the time, there was no laughing involved.

(Amour art can be found here.)

In fact, there were a lot of tears the year that I was nine months pregnant and he thought buying me a label maker(!!) was a romantic gesture. (Remember the scene from Father of the Bride when Annie gets a blender from her fiancé? I had a similar reaction.) To be clear, I had never–and still haven’t–expressed any interest in or desire to own a label maker.

There was also the year when we were dating and he bought me a rain CD (the prehistoric version of Alexa playing white noise), dropped it off and then went out with his friends. . . And yet another year when I suggested that we make each other presents and then when he actually did it, my feelings were hurt because I had bought him something. (My fault.)

I tell you all of this (with his permission, by the way) to say that marriage does get better with time and Valentine’s Day becomes much less significant. (Many of you are way ahead of me and can already attest to this.) Believe it or not, young brides, the things that you once put so much weight on will eventually/probably become the most ridiculous to you at some point in your life. I just heard on the news the other day that the majority of money spent on Valentine’s gifts are by people in relationships three years or newer. (There’s a reason for that.) Everyday dependability (like someone who will change explosive diapers or clean up vomit at 2am) starts to look way more attractive in the long run than grand romantic gestures. It may not sound magical but it’s a good place to be.

Want to know what I specifically asked for this year? I requested that my 12-passenger van (or party bus, as we like to call it) be professionally cleaned inside and out. I’ve literally been driving around a bacteria-mobile and I can’t stand it. He came through and I couldn’t be happier! But, he knew well enough to ask me at least 11 times if I was “sure that’s what I really wanted.” :) He may still be traumatized from my meltdowns in past years. . . It’s safe to say that we’ve come a long way from the label maker days.

Okay, so I always love hearing your stories. What is your funniest/most ridiculous/most terrible Valentine’s Day gift? Do tell.

The Countdown is On. . . And I’m Scrambling

Aug162018

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of frenzied moms across the country stuffing all kinds of junk into garbage bags and cleaning out every drawer in the house before school starts. (Or maybe you already have.) If you’ve been keeping up with my Instagram stories this week, you know I’ve been in a bit of a tizzy and I 100% blame it on the back-to-school scramble that comes every August. You know how they say May is the new December? I disagree. I think it’s August.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I always feel like every t-shirt has to be folded, every sock has to be matched, everyone has to have new underwear and every shelf in my fridge has to be wiped down and filled with healthy lunch choices (knowing good and well that I’ll be praising the Lord above come late September when, in the wee hours of the morning, I find a hidden Lunchable I didn’t know was there). We always start off strong and full of hope, don’t we??

We are less than two weeks out from the beginning of school here and as I mentioned last week, this will be the first time I’ll be sending all five of my “babies” off. I’ve told my friends this will be the first time I’ve been alone since 2004. ;) I should be sad about this. Right? Right??

All of this to say, you’ve always been so kind when I’ve needed breaks. And I need one now. So, follow along on Instagram, if you like, and I’ll be taking a little time away from the blog until after Labor Day when I’ll return to a more regular schedule. In the meantime, I’ll be at home arranging my Tupperware drawer, cleaning out underneath beds, sneaking bags to Goodwill and packing carrot sticks that not one of them will eat just so I can feel better about myself as a mom after this Summer.

What I Actually Want for Mother’s Day

May112018

It’s not a candle. Or a necklace. Or even a really nice bag (although I wouldn’t refuse it). Here’s a short list of a what I actually want for Mother’s Day:

A couple of uninterrupted hours to read, without stopping after every other paragraph.

And if that happens, to be able to spontaneously fall asleep and stay that way until I wake up on my own.

A day where not one conversation directed at me begins with the words “Can you. . . ?” or “Can I . . . ?” (I don’t think it’s humanly possible, but just throwing it out there.)

For my teenage boy to kiss me.

To eat an entire meal without someone calling for bathroom “assistance.”

And for dessert, a large Wendy’s Frosty (chocolate, not vanilla).

To not set foot in the kitchen all day long, but to return the next day to a sparkling clean space.

To feel a lot of sweet little arms hugging my neck.

For all of my people to be happy, happy, happy!

To watch consecutive episodes of Jeopardy and Judge Judy without pausing and/or rewinding continuously throughout. (Yes, I know I sound 83.)

What do you really want for Mother’s Day?

PS– Honestly, I can’t think of Mother’s Day gifts without thinking of The Middle and the time Frankie got a yellow, inflatable foot bath. (Please tell me you watch and are as sad as we are about the soon approaching end.)

PPS– A few other posts on motherhood you might enjoy:

Photoshopping Crumbs (and Other Truths)

Is It Out of Style to Be Happy?

What’s Saving Me Right Now