My dad swears that I used to say I would never have any kids. Truthfully, I don’t remember that, but I probably did have more aspirations of being a business woman than a poopy diaper changer. If you would’ve told me when I was 16 that I would someday be able to wipe noses and other body parts on other people all while eating my breakfast, I would’ve told you that you were nuts.
While five isn’t the biggest number of kids anybody’s ever had, it sometimes feels like a lot. We’re not even close to competing with the Duggars, but you should see some of the looks we get in public—especially in restaurants. I swear to you that I caught one lady counting the kids as we walked in and sat down at our table and then shake her head in disgust. I can count on one hand—more like three fingers—the times a complete stranger has come up to me and said something positive. Isn’t that weird? I find it puzzling.
print from Lindsay Letters
I want to say to them that they’re not a “bunch” or a “group” and especially not a burden. They’re five unique little individuals with five very different personalities, each of them needing to feel special and specially loved by me. I hope I’m doing this right. . .
I’ve learned—and am still learning—that not everything matters. Clothes don’t have to match, shoes are (mostly) optional, and wet wipes can substitute for a bath when pressed for time. They can wear the same dress to church three Sundays in a row, and no one will notice. I’ve also seen first hand that you can, in fact, grow up big and strong on a diet that consists mostly of Goldfish crackers.
I’m thankful for the example of my own mom. I’m sure she lost her temper and had days when she wanted to pull her hair out, but I honestly don’t remember any of that. I just remember her being there, doing whatever we needed, taking good care of us. (This gives me hope my own kids will remember the same thing. . .) I still remember the advice she gave me two weeks after our second baby was born as she left to go back home to Kentucky. I stood in my driveway crying and scared to death, holding my newborn with an 18-month-old attached to my leg. She said “it’s okay for somebody to cry some of the time.” Even the momma. There’s no way to keep everybody happy 100% of the time. The odds just aren’t in my favor. And, it’s okay.
photo by Hart to Hart Digital Photography
Motherhood is hard. And, it’s sweet. The more kids I’ve had, the more I’ve learned about God’s grace. I mess up daily and am thankful for His new mercies each morning. If not for that, I would’ve thrown in the towel a long time ago. Fortunately, that grace is extended to everyone. Not just mommas.
Here’s hoping your Mother’s Day is a happy one.
Elizabeth says
May 11, 2014 at 8:43 amYay for big families! I am the oldest of seven kids and we got the counting heads in restaurants ALL the time. It’s fun to have lots of siblings though – you always have a friend. Mad props to you for handling five littles so well, I’ve just had my second and am learning that this mom thing is a very long term commitment and requires a lot of hard work!
anne says
May 11, 2014 at 8:54 amMaybe the looks that look like “disgust” are people thinking, Whoa that seems like a lot of work. I know I think that whenever I see a parent with a baby and a tot. Just a thought. :)
Limezinnias Design says
May 11, 2014 at 9:11 amI think what you are doing is beautiful and you are very blessed to have such a lovely family!
Abby M. Interiors says
May 11, 2014 at 9:55 amBeautifully said, Emily! Happy mom’s day to you! xx
[email protected] Stroll Thru Life says
May 11, 2014 at 10:12 amYou are such a gracious and loving mom, Happy Mother’s Day
René says
May 11, 2014 at 12:04 pmYou are an amazing woman Emily. Happy Mother’s Day!
Traci Morgan says
May 11, 2014 at 12:39 pmPerfect! Happy Mother’s Day! You have a lovely family.
Jennifer says
May 11, 2014 at 4:16 pmEmily, I love your post and your attitude about being a mother. You are SOOOO right! I grew up in a home with nine children….all planned, and more were wanted! :) And people were always asking us if we were Catholic. I didn’t understand until I was much older why they asked that. I have four (in fact, you may remember us. We use to live down the street from you and my daughter was your sisters good friend growing up) and some times I wish we had had more! Children are a blessing from God and should be loved as such. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!!!
Emily Clark says
May 11, 2014 at 9:59 pmOf course I remember the Kachelmans! :) Hope you all are doing great. Thanks for the encouragement.
Holly Irwin says
May 11, 2014 at 5:45 pmEmily, You are a joy and an inspiration! You have a beautiful family and I wish you the happiest of Mothers Days!
xo
Holly
Emily says
May 11, 2014 at 8:57 pmAs a mama to an almost 3 year old (very much in the Terrible 3’s) and a newborn I thank you for this. It IS hard….harder than I ever imagined but the rewards are big too. Hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Tammy says
May 11, 2014 at 10:07 pmEmily, I loved your post. My husband comes from a large family (6 kids) and his parents have funny stories about the looks and comments they received on many occasions when the children were small. Children are a great blessing. Enjoy every moment with every one of your unique individuals.
Debbie M. says
May 11, 2014 at 10:22 pmsweet post!
Elissa says
May 11, 2014 at 10:56 pmWell, here’s a stranger telling you something positive about having five kids; big families are awesome! Your kids are so blessed to have the gifts of four siblings- how many people can make that claim? That stinks that you’ve experienced negativity in public. I myself have received quite a few positive comments, mostly from older people who had a good number of children themselves. I’m pregnant with our fifth currently. Anyway, dwell in the verse you pictured on the hard day’s and fight the good fight to raise virtuous kids…someday we will be so satisfied having done so.
Dwell by Cheryl says
May 12, 2014 at 9:09 amEmily, I had a consult with a family of six Saturday, and upon being told by the clients that they had four kids under the age of 12, I replied, “That’s awesome!”. The mom told me, “No one ever says that.” I found that strange, because I do think it’s awesome. I’d love to have a house full and although that may not be God’s plan for me, I admire those of you who are able to raise such awesome little ones. Hope you had an awesome Mother’s Day!
Nicole from Bumps & Beginnings says
May 12, 2014 at 9:45 amAs someone expecting my first baby in a matter of days, I am in awe that you’re able to care for 5 children! It is very impressive — kudos to you! Hope you had a great Mother’s Day!
Lana says
May 12, 2014 at 10:30 amAs a Mom of 5 myself I think I hated the counting the most. I always thought it was rather funny when other people’s children just joined in and followed us when we were out in public. Maybe they thought we were their daycare class or something. :) The main thing I did not realize when the kids were growing up was how incredibly big our family would become and we are just starting on grandchildren. We now have five children and 4 spouses of children and our fifth grandchild is due in 4 weeks. We are now almost a family of 16 and 2 of our married children do not have any kiddos yet.
Karen Little says
May 12, 2014 at 10:33 amI’m the oldest of six and though it was chaotic at times, it IS awesome! Our son and his wife have six now, five boys and one girl (who was number five). They, too, get the “look” often when they go into a fast food restaurant or any building for that matter. It is a sad commentary of our times but, as one commenter said, can also just be ignorance or preference talking when someone says or looks negative about large families. Parents of large families just need to have tough skins and soft hearts. :)
Beth says
May 12, 2014 at 10:57 amI’ve never commented before but your post inspired me! One of the most beautiful things I have ever read on being a mommy:-) Big families are few and far between these days and unfortunately many do look upon them negatively . I am one of six siblings and I often wonder how my mother did it. Like you, I don’t remember her ever pulling her hair out. But I’m sure she had her days like we all do. As a mom of four (3 here with me and one in heaven), I realize daily that motherhood is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. But I also never realized I could love 4 little people so much!! By the way, I too remember saying I didn’t want to have any children;-) God bless you and your family and thanks again for the post.
Christine says
May 12, 2014 at 11:00 amI have experienced this too. I have 3 year old twins, a 2 year old, and a 10 month old. When my twins were little and I was pregnant with my third, I got all kinds of sweet comments from strangers. However, when I had three little ones and was pregnant with my fourth, not one person ever said anything nice to me. I mostly got dirty looks from strangers and comments like “you are never going to be able to leave your house” and “bless your heart.”
Nowadays when I’m out with my 4 tots I usually get admiring looks and sweet comments, especially from elderly people and parents with older kids. I think it depends on their behavior sometimes too. If my 4 are being well behaved, we get tons of compliments. But if the wheels fall off and some are crying, I get the “you-have-too-many-kids-and-can’t-control-them” looks.
You are raising 5 amazing people, Emily. I hope to have a couple more, too.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Vel says
May 12, 2014 at 11:38 amVery well-said Emily! You pulled the words right out of our hearts and heads, thank you! Just remember anytime you get stares from “people-who-don’t-know-any-better”, that HOW YOU FEEL and HOW YOUR KIDS MAKE YOU FEEL is what truly matters! CHEERS TO YOU and to all the moms like us out there!
Edyta says
May 12, 2014 at 11:39 amHappy Mother’s day, You are wonderful xx
cassie {hi sugarplum} says
May 12, 2014 at 11:52 amI love this post, and you, so so much! You are raising 5 beautiful, strong and loving humans….they are the luckiest to have been born into your family!! xo
Meghann says
May 12, 2014 at 12:03 pmI LOVE this post. I am the oldest of 4 and my mom is the second of 5. Big families and big extended families are amazing!!! My mom used to get comments about us and my dad always said we were his arrows in his quiver. I unforortunatly have the most difficult time getting pregnant (we have a 5 year old and 30 weeks pregnant with our second) and I was told we would never have biological children see big families as blessings. Our two are total miracles and treasure them so much, but as a woman who used to think that I would have at least 4 kids, I’m a bit envious of large families. I believe people are very selfish these days and can’t see themselves giving of their time that you have to with large families. Keep on rocking motherhood. Your actions and love speak loads to your children and even to those around you. And yes, they are arrows that you will shoot into the future to witness to future generations.
Andrea says
May 12, 2014 at 1:35 pmI really loved this post. I have four children who are loved and well cared for, and (reasonably) well-behaved in public, yet we get the same looks and comments. It is a rare treat when anyone says anything positive.
I was especially encouraged by your thoughts on what doesn’t matter. I am a struggling perfectionist and battle daily with feelings of failure when clothes aren’t just right or the meal isn’t well rounded or the house gets messy. I actually have a system in place to ensure we won’t repeat church outfits, ha! But, this has been exasperating to my family at times and I’ve recently been convicted of this. This was a very timely reminder.
Happy (belated) Mother’s Day!
Erin says
May 12, 2014 at 2:40 pmVery beautiful post. You have a beautiful family, and I think every mom can relate to your comments on motherhood. I’m sure hoping my kids forget the tough days and remember the many more good moments. BTW, my BIL & SIL have eight! I’ve actually been with her when people have said horrible things to her. I guess by the time you get to that many, people just lose all inhibitions and don’t just give the “look”. Once I told her that the next time some awful person said something nasty she should tell them, “Yes, each time I encounter a horrible person, I feel compelled to give birth to another baby I can raise to be a lovely human being to counterbalance them.” She’s too nice, and of course would never say it, but I do applaud people raising beautiful large families. The world can use more nice people- ALWAYS! Thank you!
Jen Reil says
May 12, 2014 at 2:50 pmBeautiful post! And thanks for being a beautiful mom with 5 beautiful kids! I’m pregnant with baby #6 and when most people find out it’s #6 they make some sort of disparaging remark. I’m so grateful for the positive compliments I receive (few and far between). I’m proud of my family- it’s the best work I feel I can do at this time in my life! When I’m old and gray (or older and grayer, ha), I know I will look back at this time with no regrets =). Keep up the good work and great inspiration!
Sloan says
May 12, 2014 at 6:29 pmWell, I have always wanted 5 kids, so consider this another positive comment from a stranger! I grew up with only one younger brother, but my grandfather is one of 10! I always thought how fun their home must have been growing up. Ours was always so quiet.
jessica shelton says
May 12, 2014 at 8:08 pmYep… you are right! If someone would have said you would have 5 kids, I would have probably laughed b/c we were (ahem) a little NOT mom-like at 16. However, through your blog, and fb, and pictures, I can tell that you are raising a precious family and doing a great job balancing it all! So proud of how successful you have become at both :)
Emily Clark says
May 12, 2014 at 8:31 pmWho would’ve thought your “SpeedBump” costar would’ve had 5 kids! That still makes me laugh :) Hopefully, that footage is lost forever…
Elizabeth @ The Little Black Door says
May 13, 2014 at 10:42 amSO well said. Hope you had a great Mother’s Day Emily!
Emily says
May 13, 2014 at 8:31 pmHi Emily,
It has been said in the other comments…but great post!!! I am a mother of four young children and often get looks and comments in public. As if shopping with four small children isn’t challenging enough, it becomes super fun to notice those around me looking at me like “what was she thinking.” But what can you do? I know I am not a perfect mother, and my kids are not perfect (and often don’t have any reservation with acting out in a public setting), but I love them immensely, I spend my days and nights trying to foster an environment so that they can develop into their best selfs. They in turn have developed me into a much better, happier, and more confident person. I hope these four children pass love on throughout their lives and make the world better. That is what I would like to say to those looking at me…And that my job is freaking hard right now, so give me a break.
Thanks for sharing. We Emilys and mothers of little ones need to stick together. I really enjoy your blog.
-Emily
Dawn says
May 13, 2014 at 9:08 pmI’m so sorry for your negative experiences with strangers. I don’t know why people feel the need to get into others’ business. :(
My daughter (six) states pretty strongly that she will never have a baby in her tummy. She says she’ll go to the adoption store and buy one, however (we routinely correct this description but she lapses). However they come, I hope they bring her as much joy as mine do me. :)
Erika says
May 15, 2014 at 10:12 amI LOVE that you have 5 kids. :) I can only hope that we do too. :) Happy belated mothers day to you!
courtney says
May 15, 2014 at 10:24 amyour home is beautiful and I enjoy reading all your decorating posts – you really do have a gift.
BUT, this is my favorite thing you have ever written.
as a mom of 5 boys and pregnant with my 6th, I can honestly say my children teach me way more than I’ve ever taught them. each one does bring me so much closer to God.
blessings to you and your kiddos!
mila [email protected]'s milieu says
May 15, 2014 at 3:31 pmThanks for the post, Emily!
I agree with all the sweet comments and compliments to you– you deserve them!
I just wanted to add that people don’t realize how much work goes in being a parent of “a bunch of kids” (I have four). The only people who can truly appreciate it are the ones who have large families themselves. If strangers giving you looks stopped to think about all the work (physical and emotional) that you are putting in your kids, maybe there would be less “looks” and more compliments.
Jennifer says
May 17, 2014 at 4:50 pmAwww
Jennifer says
May 17, 2014 at 4:54 pmOk my phone did something weird w/ my first comment. sorry! Anyway, that was such a sweet post! And I love what your mom said. That’s awesome. And so true!
Katie says
May 17, 2014 at 9:34 pmI loved this post, Emily! I’m just about to have my third baby (due tomorrow, actually), and I’m sitting here bawling because what you said really struck a chord with me. I have two small boys, and even I know the look you’re referring to. The … ‘You have two boys under four and a third about to arrive’ pitty / disgust / so glad I’m not you … Look. I just hope my kiddos remember me living them, and being there for them, not the tense ‘crazed mom’ moments.
Thanks for this post, and your family is adorable!!
Xo,
Katie
Emily Clark says
May 17, 2014 at 10:10 pmThanks, Katie! Hope all goes well with your delivery!
Autumn Beach says
May 19, 2014 at 12:09 amThey are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness! Not worthy, but so thankful! And yes, motherhood has brought about a deeper understanding of His grace. What a wonderful post. So full of truth. Thank you for sharing. This is why we love Emily A. Clark. Well, one reason, at least. :)
Emily Clark says
May 19, 2014 at 6:51 amThanks, Autumn :)
Rhome410 says
May 29, 2014 at 11:42 pmThis is great. My eldest linked this to me… She has 7 younger siblings and thought I might be able to relate! I remember well being in a restaurant, awaiting help with our van that wouldn’t start, with 5 of our then 6 kiddos…and the disgusted looks from older ladies at the adjacent table, one who did the same counting and wondered out loud if the other supposed it was a ‘day care or something.’ Even people at church can’t believe that with 8, it isn’t a blended family of some sort…Ok to have several kids, I guess, if you have a few marriages to contribute!
I love every word you wrote here, but, especially, I want to say to them that they’re not a “bunch” or a “group” and especially not a burden. They’re five unique little individuals with five very different personalities, each of them needing to feel special and specially loved by me. I hope I’m doing this right. . .”
God bless all of you!
Emily Clark says
May 30, 2014 at 9:42 amThanks for the encouragement :)
LauraH says
June 4, 2014 at 1:53 pmThis is so lovely! I adore big families and hope to add to my own one day!