Maybe it’s adjusting to the first full week of school or having a plate that’s tipping on too full, but I feel like I’m struggling to keep up this week. I’m working on a proposal for a big project that will hopefully pan out and finalizing several other projects in progress.
All of my kids had their first full day of school on different days, so there’s been some juggling. I even took my 5-year-old to a meeting with me the other day. Of course, my phone was the obvious choice for entertaining her. She must’ve had a good time. This is just a sample of what I found in my pictures later that night:
I’m still undecided if I’m going to hire her as my assistant. . .
I had another post planned for today, but this has been one of those mornings, complete with a big dose of mommy guilt. I’m pretty new at this whole “working mother” thing, and I’m not sure I’m adjusting as well as my kids are. The last time I worked full time was before I had my oldest, and I have been very blessed to be able to stay home with my babies. On a whim, I started this blog and my design business, having no idea that I would work myself into an almost full-time job. The opportunities that have come my way in such a short time blow my mind, and I believe that it is God blessing my endeavors.
Up until recently, when people would ask if I worked, I would still say that I stayed home and decorated on the side. It hit me when I was filling out school registration papers this year and I listed an occupation and a work number, that things have changed. Truthfully, it scares me a little. And, excites me all at the same time.
I’ve always known I’m not June Cleaver. My free time will never include baking cookies for pleasure or even volunteering at school. I love my kids bigger than the world, but I also need some time to think about other things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. I like putting on big girl shoes, meeting new people, being creative, and yes, even being able to contribute (if only in a small way) to my family’s income. I know that there are mothers reading this who are shaking their heads in agreement and others who are shaking their heads in disgust. We, mothers, can be a really judgmental group, but the truth is, you have to make the decisions that work best for you and your family.
I’m 100% sure all mothers struggle with this guilt thing—even those who make things look effortless (surely they hide in their closets and have breakdowns every now and then. . . ). Some of us are just better at keeping it to ourselves than others, I guess. I love my pal Camila’s guest post series “In Her Shoes” (you can read my entry here) where she asks other bloggers to document a day in their lives. I have to say, though, that I often read those posts and wonder what I’m doing wrong. How can these girls get so much done in a day and still have the energy to make dinner and read books to their kids? When do they flop out on the couch in exhaustion and eat chips just because? Again, it’s the whole comparison thing. Nobody knows anybody else’s “real” life, and when you start comparing yourself to others, it can just make you plain crazy.
I’m not sure why I decided to share all of this today. I consider my readers my friends, though–well, most of you, at least :) and blogging about it has been a little therapeutic for me. So, thanks. And, if you’ve got any advice on the mommy guilt thing, I’m all ears.
Back to design talk tomorrow, I promise.
It’s doable, Emily! After 11 years in the business, my kids are 24, 16 and 13… and I feel like I did a good job of balancing both jobs. I made it to all activities and managed to keep up with the client needs too. I’ve just conquered “outsourcing” which is saving me right now. It’s okay to feel guilty.. ’cause that’s what Moms do… but keep doing your best! It shows!
Emily, one HUGE hug to you! This is something that I struggle with too. You are doing a fabulous job!
Something that has helped me prioritize and keep things in perspective is that I don’t want to look back on this years and have any regrets. No regrets when it comes to the stuff that really matters.
It really stinks sometimes because I’ve said no to some amazing opportunities. Blah. Not fun.
But, hopefully it will be worth it in the long run.
XOXO
I’m not a mother yet, but I can tell you, real posts about motherhood like yours make the world of being a “mother” less scary. For those of us who are on the verge of starting a family, it’s nice to see honesty like yours, thank you for that! AND there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re doing a great job!
abodelove.blogspot.com
My mommy guilt has never gone away.
My daughter is 36, has her own home, & lives on her own.
But I still feel guilty about how I raised her. I should have done this, I could have done that.
Thank goodness it’s not something I dwell on everyday like I used to when she was young. But it’s still there.
I have the same dilemma, the same doubts, the same hurtful guilts. We all feel this way at some point. Is it worth? The fact is, if we’re working is because we need to. Right? It’s not only because we we love (although I believe that’s necessary), but we also need the money.
I have two kids and expecting my third for November. I know it will be harder to work having a newborn, but I’m giving my 100%. Some days I don’t feel very good, but I keep trying to do my best. Everything we do with love can be achieved. Our kids will appreciate our efforts and be proud of what we do, not only for ourselves, but also for their future also.
I just read this today, by author “Paulo Coelho”:
“May love fill your heart, compassion guide your mind, faith rule your soul.”
xo
Luciane at HomeBunch.com
Thank you so much for posting this! As someone who doesn’t have kids yet, it might be surprising that I would get so much from hearing your perspective. My husband and I are in the very beginning stages of planning our family and we’re already getting some sideways glances from extended family members when they hear my plans to be a working mom. It’s not an easy decision, either way, but it helps to hear that there are other women out there who are managing dual roles and recognizing their needs as well as their children’s.
As a parenting coach, the best free advice I can ever offer is this. Listen to you your kids when they talk to you, hug them often, speak their love language and always remember, there’s grace in the pew. Being a mom is work. Best job of your life.
Congratulations on all of your much deserved opportunities Emily! I think women (in general) feel guilty. Guilty for working. Guilty for not working. Guilty for not getting the laundry done and the homework checked. Or for not having dinner ready. It is because we care and want to give our families all we can – no matter where we are coming from. Always struggling to balance it all.
I hope your kids are off to a great start this school year :)
You’re not alone. The people who seem to have it all figured out either have a lot of help or aren’t telling the whole story. Keep up the good work!
This is the 2nd post Ive read this week about Mommy’s and Designers struggling with trying to keep a balance. (See Lauren Liess’s post: http://www.purestylehome.blogspot.com/ )
I am so right there too! but I am no where near as successful as you. I have watched you, your blog and your business sky-rocket in such a short time. I am amazed and inspired by it. But I think if its your passion how can you *not* do it? If God has placed that desire in you then He knows you CAN do it. Keep Him first and all the rest will find its way into place. He has blessed you with an amazing talent that touches peoples lives in a great way- to be able to help someone make their home a place of beauty and rest is a great thing! You go girl! Im cheering you on from the sidelines and also saying to myself “one day Im going to be like Emily A Clark!”
LOL at flopping on the couch and eating the chips just because! Those day in the life are dangerous…because of course you are going to compare, but your life is nothing like theirs. And most aren’t going to write how they downed pint of ice cream with Real Housewives while their kids watch a third episode of Special Agent Oso. How *you* can best be a mom and a fulfilled woman is between you, your husband, God, and your kids. I love your honesty, Emily (and your blog!)
xo
Emily, I went back to work when my son was 7 weeks old, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve struggled with guilt, but I also know that I’m following God’s plan for me. I know God is calling you to this path you are traveling – and it looks like a beautiful one. :)
Girl, I eat chips and flop out on the couch just because (probably too much, ha!). I totally understand.:)
All of life is a balance. There is so much value in your children seeing you live your life in a fulfilled way. You are always a better Mom and person when you are happy with what you are doing with your days. And the beauty of your job is when your kids need you, you are your own boss and you can drop and go to them. Lessen the burden on yourself and enjoy your success.
Oh, ditto, exactly the same thing. I used to work full time until my second son was six months old, but I’ve been out of the work force for nearly four years now. I am starting a certificate course at Parsons next week (not even a full time degree!) and I wonder how I will juggle three kids and schoolwork and eventually work full time. I did it already when they were younger, but now they have their own schedules and games and afterschool activities, and the thought of trying to do my stuff and still do all theirs…ack. I’ve already had to cancel some of their fall activities because it conflicts with my school schedule, and I feel so guilty about it.
You’re not alone. You just do the best you can.
I enjoyed this post. I think we all struggle with the balance between family and work/fulfilling ourselves (and men now struggle with this too, although maybe not as much on average).
And your daughter is talented!
Hang in there! Mommy guilt will always be there but you just have to do your best to balance. In the end you are the mom and you know best!
It’s not easy, and something has to give, no one can do it all. Pick and chose the most important stuff and let the rest go. Personally, I don’t have a lot of just chill time. I sometimes think my goal would be to arrange my schedule so I would have the freedom to just plop down at night after the kids have gone to bed to watch a movie, but instead I’m catching up on work and family stuff. But its okay, I wouldn’t want to give up what I would need to in order to have that much time on my hands! Janell
You are not alone! I am a new mom and feel like I feel this way at least once a week. I am nodding my head in agreement, that sometimes mommy needs adult time and adult thoughts. Being a mother has made me check myself whenever I begin to judge someone elses choice..like you said “No one know someones “real” life”. Good post!
Thanks for this post, Emily. I have a 6 month old baby, and I had to start back to work when she was 9 weeks old. I always thought I would be a working mom, but it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done!! In the end, I pray that our kids will benefit from our work ethic and growth, and that we’ll make every minute we are with them count. You are so blessed that your work is also (one of) your passions, and I have no doubt that you’ll be a better mom in the long run for having that outlet. We all have to do what works for our families, and God’s plan is specific and different for everyone. Thank you for sharing, and I love your blog!
I just have to say….I am a full time mom. I have a 3.5yr old and a 14mo old and a new baby due in a couple months. I don’t work at all, but I have mom guilt ALL THE TIME!! Believe me, even if you weren’t working….you would still be feeling the mom guilt about something. It’s just the way us moms are. It’s totally normal and you are doing a great job!
And ps: there are days when I look at the clock and realize my husband is about to be home from work and I rush to get out of my pajamas, start a load of dishes, and laundry so it looks like I have done SOMETHING that day! And we still eat eggs and toast for dinner. :)
Yes it is true every Mom has their battles. Don’t you know that it is a pre requisite to feel guilty when one becomes a Mom..that is why it is always such a tricky balance. You are a good person so I know you will work it out. Probably just going through one of those rougher stages.
xx – CB
I am a full-time working mama to three babies (3, 4, and 5). Every day is a challenge filled with deadlines and mommy guilt, but every day is also a success knowing that we got through it together! I also read this article a year ago on why we shouldn’t feel mommy guilt, and sometimes it is just the boost that I need: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/03/11/p.reasons.no.mom.guilt/index.html?hpt=Sbin
Thank you for sharing Emily! I can absolutely relate, I just had to arrange more childcare for my 2 year old and my mommy guilt meter is running pretty high.
You know what, Emily? I think EVERY mother struggles with guilt. I currently stay home with my son and I still feel guilty about things from time to time. I am currently working on starting my own business that I hope will blossom into full time work like yours has. I appreciate you opening up and sharing something so personal.
I’d love for you to stop by my blog at http://www.casabellastudiosblog.blogspot.com and follow my journey to becoming a business owner {and probably read about some mommy guilt of my own – I know it’ll come!}
Love how you said, “I love my kids as big as the world.” That says it all, Emily! They’re your ministry right now. Decorating’s just God’s way of helping you keep your sanity. I can identify! Your guilt is a good thing, it shows you care. You’re doing a great job!
We all struggle with that but you know what? A happy mom is what makes a good mom! Your kids will see you as a confident woman with talents of her own, one they will be proud of {and secretly brag about} when they are older. Because we are people too with our own needs and wants and if we feel fulfilled then it shows and they notice.
You are doing a fabulous job!
You’re so right! Moms (and women) are easily riddled with guilt. You’re doing a great job! Sometimes it’s hard to keep balance but it’s okay. If we focus on the most important things first, we may find that things that were “important” suddenly don’t matter as much.
Great post, E!
I am at this point too. I write my blog, do reviews for blogher, write my other blog, write artcles for HoF and I’m in the mist of getting Swoon Worthy Boutique off the ground. I thought that having 2 boys in school now, things would be easier…not so much! What I have learned is that my husband does not feel guilty for going to work everyday and I’ve decided that I won’t either. We both love our children and there is no need to feel like I am doing something wrong because I’m following my dreams. I follow mine because one day, they are going to want to follow theirs and aren’t we the ones to show our kids how things are done? Plus, if we don’t follow our dreams now, once the kiddos are adults and living their lives, our dreams will probably only be “DREAMS”…
I learned to not get caught up with what I’ve seen on blogs too much. Pictures are still images that only capture a second of the entire moment. Do you know how many times I’ve taken pictures and nearly had a break down afterwards? You don’t see that kind of stuff. As long as you are doing YOUR best, that is whats best for your family.
and as far as reading books at the end of the night, my husband and I have started telling short stories to our boys while getting them ready for bed. They like that a lot better than books!
You’re doing great, Emily! Remember that!
Amen Sister! I just wrote about this same thing on my blog earlier this month! So many opportunities have come my way as a result of my blog & I just get so overwhelmed! I LOVE each & every opportunity, but deciding whether or not to tackle each one is a different story! I decided to become a SAHM just a little over a year ago & started the blog a couple of months later! So I know about the whole mommy guilt thing! After all, I did decide to become a SAHM in order to spend more time with my kids, but at the same time I am finding myself working more & more again!! Trying to find a balance is hard! Thanks for sharing your heart today!
It must be back to school triggering the mommy guilt. Lauren (Pure Style Home) had a similar post yesterday. I worked for the first four years of having children and no one ever got the best of me so I quit and stay home full-time now. It’s been a year and its the best decision I ever made. But, it’s the best decision for me. Everyone has to do what they feel God is calling them to.
I guarantee you that there are several of us out there reading this today saying “thank you for being real”!!!! I know I appreciate it. I think that a happy mom makes a great mom!!!
Emily – while I am not a mother, I do read your blog every day & also read several other blogs. I’ve noticed that there is a trend in the last couple of days, since school has started back up, and many other bloggers feel the same way you do. I read a post by Lauren of ‘Pure Style Home’ that mirrored your post to a ‘T’. Here is the link to her blog in case you have not read it before: http://purestylehome.blogspot.com/.
Good luck to you. I’m sure that your children love you & appreciate the time that you do get to spend with them. My parents both worked my entire childhood and I do not have a negative or bitter feeling toward them for it. They were only doing what they could to provide for myself & my sisters.
– Rachel
It’s so nice to see that others are going through the same struggles! Too often I read a blog post and wonder how a mother can do it all. Their homes are perfect in photos, it seems they manage to complete new projects daily, and they still manage to have all 6 kids beautifully dressed with dinner on the table. I too struggle with the mommy guilt all of the time. I wonder if I do enough for my son and struggle with finding time for me. Thanks for the honesty in your post! I guess all we can do is strive to be our best!
I agree with others who have said “no regrets.” Mommy guilt goes with the territory, but if at the end of the day you feel you have tried to do your best, then you have likely succeeded. It is important to you, your husband and your children to pursue your passions and be personally happy, what a great example to set for them. Stay the course and thanks for sharing, so many of us can relate!
Cathy @ Room Rx
Feel NO guilt darlin, we all have to figure out what works best for our families.
I believe the best mom’s are the ones who learn to say “no” to what doesn’t work for them, even if it means you don’t bake cookies from scratch and have a homemade hot dinner waiting every night and a sparkling clean home at all times.
You do what’s right for your family and never feel ‘guilty’ for what you’re not doing. Your kids are happy, healthy, and loved, and that’s what matters most.
Hugs to you today,
Kate
Emily, I’m certainly no mother (yet). But I was the daughter of a working Mom. I once told her when I was under the age of 10 that I was so grateful that she worked. Not because of the income or anything like that, but because she was vastly more “interesting” to me than so many of my friends’ moms (most of whom didn’t work). I still agree with that mantra to this day. PLEASE don’t feel guilty. Children are wonderful blessings to be sure, but you should never EVER feel guilty for taking some time to yourself. It may be hard to see that now, but your children will certainly appreciate it later in life :-)
xoxo
Lindsay from Tell’er All About It
It’s a daily struggle to find that “balance”. Sometimes I hate that word, and question if it really exists. Some days I am good at it, some days I suck at it. And on those days, I FORGIVE MYSELF, and move on. We all feel guilt. Some days more than others.
I just have to make sure that between the hours of 6pm-9pm I give lots of hugs and kisses, and make sure I put the Iphone and laptop down, and really listen to them, and play with them.
Lately, my kids have been going to bed around 10pm. I know it’s not good for them (they are 3 & 4), but it is what it is right now. To me, that is another hour to read to them, and snuggle. And rushing the dinner/bed/bath routine to be in bed at a certain time just adds another layer of unnecessary stress. I’m not picking that battle right now.
One day at a time, sister!
I’m with you! The mommy guilt is one thing I wasn’t even aware existed before I had my little guy! Honestly though, what it all boils down to is that a happy mama = happy kids. It’s okay to pursue your interests and your career. You’ll still be there for your kids and you’ll still be the mama they know and love. You CAN do both well.
It was almost like you just took the words straight out of my brain. I too, am busier than I could have ever imagined and have a little one….I constantly feel guilty. Especially when I am working from home and I can hear her in the other room with our Nanny, crying for her “Mama”. Breaks my heart and spirit on a daily basis. I have just decided to remind myself that I am setting a good example for my daughter and I am also doing ALL OF IT for her. One day she may thank me? At least I keep telling myself that {insert another dose of mothers guilt} Thanks for talking about this!
so…WOW. i can SO relate. i started my blog because i NEEDED an outlet. i started taking on e-design clients just about a year ago, and now i am busier than i dreamed i would be. while i love what i do, and my kids are all in school, i have to say that balancing things is really tough! i did the EXACT same thing when i was filling out the school papers this year…i hesitated for a second before i listed an occupation, because for the first time in 10 years, i feel like a really have one besides “mommy”. last week was the first week of school, and i had these fantasies about how much i was going to get done…well, between packing up a house, blogging, driving to/from a new school that is 15 minutes from where we are living, and dealing with a VERY sad 9 year old who is devastated to be moving from her friends, i got just about NOTHING done.
thanks for sharing. i always feel like every one else is getting it ALL done…
here’s to making it all work…somehow. and to eating cereal for dinner!
autumn
My kids are 25 and 28. They are college graduates and have full time productive jobs. Despite many parenting errors they turned out great. Are there things I wish I could go back and do differently? Absolutely. Did my kids know they were loved? Absolutely. When push comes to shove you know deep down that your family would come first. Over anything else. Use that as your mantra when you are feeling guilty or overwhelmed. Nobody’s perfect. Your kids don’t expect that anyway. They just want you to be you. Have a great rest of the day dear…
Emily–thanks for your openness and insight in this post. I’m about to become a mom for the first time in about 6 weeks, and I appreciate every bit of advice and honesty that comes from moms in the working world–particularly in the design industry. Personally, I’m still torn as to what “shape” my life will take after the baby arrives, and while I would love to continue working, I’m worried about the same guilt issues that plague other moms out there. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone! Also, your spiritual perspective is so refreshing, and a great reminder that God has a plan for our lives (no matter how crazy and hectic they become), and that He will grant us the desires of our hearts. Thanks again.
I am not surprised that you are inundated with comments for this post..it is a constant struggle and a juggling act. You can only do your best. If you do not take care of yourself and do what you love then you will be unable to take of the rest of the family 100%. I started working again p/t only a couple of years ago and am still at-home and now have to face important middle-school yrs with one of my kids. Balance is key. Get help when needed.
Our girls are 14 and 4 and I have been working for myself for six years now because working as an interior designer full time became too much for me and my family.
You can balance it all, but don’t do what I did and say “yes” to everything. You have to learn to say “no” sometimes. Set resonable expectations for your clients so you have the time you need to get the work done.
It helps me now to have “rules” for myself. After my girls are home from school, anything related to work goes off and I focus on them. My husband comes home and we eat as a family, then we spend some time together before the girls go to bed and once they are in bed, I get back to work if there is anything that needs to be finished for the day.
We re-assess every couple of months to see how things are working. Sometimes, I have to say no to projects….but I would rather say no than have a really unhappy family. I do still feel guilty sometimes, but it’s a lot less now than when I worked full-time!
It looks as though you’re doing a great job of managing so far!
My child is 22 now, but there are times I look back and feel some of the Mommy guilt.
I worked full time while my parents kept her during the day. I’m lucky enough to have a job that is flexible enough that I got to take off for school events, field trips, etc… but the mere fact that I worked 8 hours a day meant that there were things I missed. While I regret that, it couldn’t be helped. I always tried to make the time we spent together count, and I know that my child looks back and has good memories of her childhood… not sad ones because I was working.
Plus… I believe that having a life of my own other than being mommy made me a better parent and a more fulfilled person in general.
I’ve got a pretty great kid, so the fact that I wasn’t there 24/7 doesn’t seem to have screwed her up too much. LOL
I’m sure you’re doing a great job. It’s a juggling act, for sure, and it’s hard being away from your children… especially when they’re little. Instead of counting every minute, make every minute count.
After reading your post…it sounds like we are twins (except for the decorator part…lol). I always struggled with staying home with my kids. While I love them dearly and would do anything for them…I couldn’t get into the “stay at home Mom” thing. I felt trapped and stuck. And how DO those other Moms do all that stuff and still have energy? I know I’m with you…let’s just flop down on the couch and eat chips…:)
I work full time now, and my kids are 11 and 12, but I still struggle because I’m doing it as a single Mom…and 3 hours away from their Dad. So I feel obligated to go to all the functions but some days…after working 8 hours, driving 45 min home…the last thing I want to do is hop in the car and go watch a football game while my daughter dances. OR…drive BACK the way I came from work 45 min to take my son to his ball game.
It’s tough for sure. But I know my kids are happy and well adjusted. And they are growing up well. So…until I have to get up and go bail them out (which I know will never happen)…I’m not going to worry about it. Just do what you need to do and the kids will be fine.
Great post Emily! Here I am 5 days into motherhood and I am already having an emotional roller coaster about the future. I know I will continue working, I worked hard to build my business and I enjoy this crazy industry. But how am I going to leave him? How will I get through the day knowing someone else is going to be taking care of my baby? I am working on these feelings now and this post was perfect timing.
Once I hit my late twenties I kind of realized that I’m a pretty confident person, not cocky, but really ok with who I am, my strengths as much as my weaknesses. Since having my two children(and leaping into my mid-thirties) ages 3 and 5, while that confidence is still there, it is coupled with never-ending questions and so often, the mommy-guilt you speak of.
Since leaving my teaching job three years ago, I can’t tell you how many people have thought and even told me (some practically strangers)how insane I was to walk away from my career. I feel blessed to be able to be home with my kids, but some days it is not enough. And then I feel guilty. Guilty because so many women would love to be in my shoes, and guilty because on the days it’s not enough, I’m not the mom I want to be for my kids.
I think regardless of our situations, the guilt comes with the territory of having such an awesome, yet sometimes depleting responsibility. Hang in there! Clearly, you are not alone. Nobody understands a mom better than another mom. You really are inspiring to so many of us.
Emily, Your words hit home. I was awake in bed last night pondering this exact same thing. I’m having a hard time balancing work, family, blog and feel like all are suffering a little at the moment. I’ve been on vacation or in vacation-mode for about three weeks now and I think that has contributing to my feelings. I haven’t excercised much (at all) in those three weeks, I’ve been eating junk, and I’ve let my schedule slip. That, plus the added change of my daughter starting kindergarten and a whole new routine for her has gotten me “off”. Just know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.
You’re doing a great job (at everything). I’m sure I’ve shared my favorite quote with you before, but here it is again (edited), “Guilt is to motherhood what rain is to Seattle. It’s the prevailing climate. Just get used to it and carry a [darn] good umbrella.” – Allison Pearson, author of “I Don’t Know How She Does it” It’s a hilarious book, you should read if you can find the time (haha)…or better yet, let’s just have a GNO and see the movie.
Kudos to you for all you do. I do not have children yet and I am sure these issues are some that I will face. Thank you for sharing! I am sending a huge hug and a glass of wine your way. : )
How ironic. I was just thinking today that I don’t know how women who work full time get anything done! I am home full time, my kids are grown, and still I have a list longer than Rip Van Winkle’s beard of things I want to do! We can let those comparison thoughts bother us or we can choose to be content with our lives as they are–no one else has the responsibilities or circumstances we do. Your words are a great reminder not to judge someone who is not in our same place.
Just found your blog. Following. :)
tm
I think that mommy guilt is part of the “contract” for being a mommy! LOL! But seriously, as a mother of two sons in their late 20’s who are married, and one little 7 month old granddaughter, remember that each family has its own way of operating. What’s right for your family may not be right for others. Do you best each day and know that when they grow up and tell you “Mom you were the best mom ever!” you in fact, did do your best. Take a few moments each day when the stress seems to big and say to yourself “If I don’t do this or that, in the big picture what will happen?” Usually it’s nothing! The unfolded clothes will wait; take-out or fast food dinners will be OK once in awhile; choose not to be in everything that comes along; these are things that can help you realize that TODAY is important, for TOMORROW they’ll be grown…it really does go so quickly. Keep your priorities in line, love them each day, and usually each day will go fine.
You felt compelled because we ALL struggle with the guilt and we need to know that NO ONE can truly “do it all!” It’s freeing, just to accept that and acknowledge it openly–so thanks! As a mother, there are times when I feel like balance is impossible. When I’m working (I write from home, part-time), I feel like I should be with my kids and when I’m with my kids, I feel like I should be working. I try to just be fully present, whatever I’m doing, which requires me to be UN-busy and sloooow down!
I remind myself that what they need most is happy parents and a happy mommy. They see me spending time with my hubby, taking time for myself and having my own life and they know that when I’m playing on the floor with them, I’m really THERE. I hope they look back and say, “Mom worked, but she always made time for us, too.”
Us moms ARE too hard on each other. We’re all wired differently, we all have a different homelife…we have to do what works! I personally need SOME “work” to maintain my sanity–and I think my boys need a break from me, too!
Thanks for being authentic–we all need to keep it up so we can encourage each other!
great post, thanks!
It is so hard. We had out first day of school today, along with a football scrimage and me trying to balance work. It’s a busy time of year and I totally empathize with you! The fact that you care so much shows what a wonderful mother you are!
Stacy
I think there’s guilt with either decision…staying home or working…it comes with the territory of being a mom. I think it’s great your kids will grow up with a mom pursuing her dreams and excelling at something she’s good at. Having a blog is something almost tangible my kids can see (along with my projects at home), and my kids actually brag about it all to their friends. (They have no clue what my ‘real’ day job is!)
It’s a balancing act that I never quite acheive, but try to have fun doing anyway. My hubby is a therapist, and is teaching me to set good boundaries for myself, and therefore, our family. It’s def helping.
xoxo to you sweets!
Lady, I hear you on the needing time to do your own thing, to be creative. You are doing this wonderful work, and while it is hard, it is allowing you to be the best mom you can be. I’m struggling with this issue from the other perspective — wanting to go back to work. I guess the grass is always greener.:) Anyway, any transition comes with some difficulty, but I bet it won’t be long until all of the wrinkles are smoothed out. Or at least the big wrinkles.
Camille
You have to do what works for you ~ and your family. The mommy guilt is there, regardless of whether you work outside the home or not. Being a mom is the most wonderful ‘job’ in the world…and the most difficult I think ’cause we do compare don’t we? :-) I so admire anyone that seemingly can do it all. We didn’t have all this technology when my kids were young and yet the time flew by daily anyway.
You are enough! You do enough!
Pat
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Emily I tell all new Mommies when they have babies that their new middle name is now Guilt and Worry!! I think it is perfectly normal. I think if you don’t feel a twang of guilt from time to time when you are a Mommy you probably aren’t normal. As in all things in life it is BALANCE. It is not quanitity but quality. Kids don’t remember every little incident in their lives but they will remember the feeling they get from being with Mommy. i am sure the time you spend with your children is quality time. As a grandmother i have learned this in retrospect. Children don’t want all of you all of the time, They just want all of you some of the time.So when you are with them give them your time and they will be just fine. Changes are hard for we Moms but it sounds as if you are doing a great job sweetie, Hang in there!! Kathysue
I don’t have any advice (seeing that my first child won’t arrive until January!) but I will say thanks for being honest – I totally agree that there are some out there that if I compare myself I will seriously come up severely lacking. I’ve realized after reading certain blogs that not everyone has a perfect life. I should know this anyway, but sometimes it takes reading something (kind of like this) to make it really hit home. I mean, do you really think all these houses stay spotlessly clean? Since I’m not a Mom that’s where I feel like I come up lacking – always having stacks of laundry and unmade beds used to make me feel bad. Recently, I realized that no, not everyone is perfect. Their houses are not always perfect. Real life interferes and messes happen :)
I have no idea how some women do it. I have a friend who has 4 kids, 4!! Plus she has a horse and no help, only a cleaning lady that sometimes comes once a week for 3 hours, that’s it. And these kids always have food on their table (healthy food), they always look happy, they are the most well behaved children I know and she always has a smile on her face and never complains. So whenever I feel exhausted about taking care of just one little toddler I think of her ;)
I have no idea how some women do it. I have a friend who has 4 kids, 4!! Plus she has a horse and no help, only a cleaning lady that sometimes comes once a week for 3 hours, that’s it. And these kids always have food on their table (healthy food), they always look happy, they are the most well behaved children I know and she always has a smile on her face and never complains. So whenever I feel exhausted about taking care of just one little toddler I think of her ;)
I have no idea how some women do it. I have a friend who has 4 kids, 4!! Plus she has a horse and no help, only a cleaning lady that sometimes comes once a week for 3 hours, that’s it. And these kids always have food on their table (healthy food), they always look happy, they are the most well behaved children I know and she always has a smile on her face and never complains. So whenever I feel exhausted about taking care of just one little toddler I think of her ;)
I have no idea how some women do it. I have a friend who has 4 kids, 4!! Plus she has a horse and no help, only a cleaning lady that sometimes comes once a week for 3 hours, that’s it. And these kids always have food on their table (healthy food), they always look happy, they are the most well behaved children I know and she always has a smile on her face and never complains. So whenever I feel exhausted about taking care of just one little toddler I think of her ;)
I have no idea how some women do it. I have a friend who has 4 kids, 4!! Plus she has a horse and no help, only a cleaning lady that sometimes comes once a week for 3 hours, that’s it. And these kids always have food on their table (healthy food), they always look happy, they are the most well behaved children I know and she always has a smile on her face and never complains. So whenever I feel exhausted about taking care of just one little toddler I think of her ;)
WOW do we know where you are coming from! There is never enough time in the day and your children come first however your sanity is of upmost importance! Take a deep breath…100 years later there will be all new people. Big Hug!
XO,
Renee and Angela
Wanna talk about guilt? I was just thinking of this tonight as I totally did not spend enough time with my daughter because I was too “busy” putting on our new bedding that just arrived. And I just kept letting her watch Yo Gabba Gabba over and over until I finished, and it took me a while. I totally should have done that AFTER she went to bed. I did feel horrible afterwards and apologized and read her a few books. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new day to make better decisions.
And ps, I totally “get” everything you said and relate. Some days it’s more business stuff, then other days it’s no business and fun day. It all balances out right?
Love you girl!
I don’t have kids but I once asked my mom if we ever made her feel like a bad mom. She said we didn’t end up in prison so she considers her parenting a success. So, I guess the thing to do is to have very low expectations!
PS – I think my mom is pretty awesome.
Em, I assume it’s something we ALL suffer from, working moms or not. I don’t think we’d be human if we didn’t encounter this struggle, but I’m so glad you opened up about it!
Hugs, hugs, hugs to you, and know that plenty of us are feeling the same way … whether it’s on a daily basis or just occasionally.
ALSO, hoping to get my master bedroom post up on Friday! If not, it’ll be Monday. Just wanted to let you know to be on the lookout. :)
Thank you so much for posting and sharing this with us. You’re not alone with your mommy guilt. I think we all struggle with finding the balance that works for our individual and family lifestyles. You are doing fantastic job and it shows!
Hang in there!
The best mommy is a happy mommy so it is important to find your bliss and follow it. Just make sure to save time for just doing nothing. Work will always be around but your kids wont :-)
Emily…way to put it out there girl….there doesn’t seem to be a perfect solution to this problem. I am in awe of you guys with young kids. Mine are gone but at the end of the day it is all I can do to get the can opener out and call it dinner! I know there is a balance but I could never find it…..let me know if you get any hints….Hang in there :)
Oh my dear Emily…..How I feel the same way!! I have actually taken breaks from reading blogs because it overwhelms me with what I “don’t” do. I do daycare in my home, and even though I am home 24/7, I don’t get the option of sitting and crafting or decorating like so many SAHM do. That frustrates me, because I WANT to do all those things! Somedays I am lucky to use the bathroom before I pee myself, lol!
So please don’t feel the guilt, we all have it, and we all want to look/do like others do:)
I am right there with you, Emily! I work part time from home & keep my 17-month-old daughter with me. It’s hard to get anything done unless she is napping. But I have a lot of pressure to get hours in, because we use my paycheck to buy groceries. I see other moms who seem to get 10x more stuff done in a day than I do, and I just don’t understand HOW THEY DO IT. I’m sure a lot of it is time management (I am, after all, reading blogs at the moment instead of working…) but it still baffles me. And then there’s the whole issue of money. How others seem to have more than me & do less work. But that’s another issue altogether. :)
I think we all feel that way whether we work all the time or are stay at home. I am with her all the time and do things with her but still feel super guilty when I catch myself on the computer too long or watching a show. I just stop and think though, “Does she know I love her and am here for her?” and the answer is YES. If your kids can say that, I don’t think you can ask for much more. Your love for your family and babies has always shown through on your blog. Sending a big ol’ hug your way!
balance, elusive balance! oh, how I am right there with you.
something that always helps me,
“Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season, we shall reap.” – gal. 6:9
this verse helps me to endure. and encourages me to keep plugging away.
hugs today.
– {darlene}
fieldstone hill design. com
Emily,
You are so very talented and I can’t even tell you how impressed I am by you! Just remember the work you do also teaches important lessons to your kids just by way of your example. They get to see first hand what it means to be professional, prepared, creative and the list goes on and on. Finding the balance between everything is not always easy and takes time but I have no doubt you’ll get your groove going. I think your assistant is about the most precious and sweetest little lady ever! Clearly she’s got a great mommy! Have a great weekend!!
KC
You are so not alone Emily! I totally relate to what you are saying and appreciate you sharing your heart on this. Take it easy on yourself- no one is superwoman:) You’re doing great!!
You aren’t alone in what you are saying. Balance is tough. And I don’t understand how someone can feel balanced working til midnight every night. I never realized how much I needed work until it was gone. I’m not a good mom unless I have that balance- and for me that means using my brain, being creative and contributing financially to the family. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished!
Great post Emily! I totally agree with you, however being a Scandinavian woman it’s completely weird idea not to work full time and earn our own money – which in many cases, atleast among my friends and family – means combining family and full time career. In order to pull that off a great support and equality at home is ofcourse required! In our lives our partners do just as much household and children “duties” as we women do, and we also earn just as much money as our husbands – anything else would not work at all :)
Oh my word…I love this post. It made me smile. You said, “I have to say, though, that I often read those posts and wonder what I’m doing wrong. How can these girls get so much done in a day and still have the energy to make dinner and read books to their kids? When do they flop out on the couch in exhaustion and eat chips just because?” and I have to admit I have wondered this about you..lol! I have wondered how you keep it all together and rolling along so well. God has truly blessed you and I am so excited for all that is happening in your business. There are so many days when I am juggling working for Carey and my sewing business (Bundle)and my household that I have a lot of mommy guilt. You are definitely not alone. I’m just glad you are so real and not afraid to share. :) -Jennifer Painter
Emily Freeman from Chatting at the Sky (also The Nester’s sister) just wrote a book that I think you should read. Grace for the Good Girl sounds like it would offer you some great freedom from that Mom Guilt – also Wife Guilt, Friend Guilt, Volunteer Guilt, and every other kind under the sun. :) It’s less than nine bucks on Amazon and truly a life-changer. Here’s a link to a video that describes the stories you’ll read in the pages. http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2011/09/01/grace-for-the-good-girl-released/
I’m catching up on my reader and came across your post. Your honesty is so refreshing. I have countless conversations with friends about finding balance and I don’t think anyone has the answer. I think the answer is happiness, and if you have happiness then that is all that matters – and it seems like with your beautiful family and success that you have happiness. It can be a struggle at times but happiness is with you. My job is a real struggle right now – so mundane, and I am constantly feeling guilty that I’m sitting at work hating it and my daughter is in daycare (although she does love daycare I would love to be with her). But i’m earning a salary and that is important to my family at this point. Sorry for the long comment, but I wanted to let you know that you speak for all Mommies.