Maybe it’s adjusting to the first full week of school or having a plate that’s tipping on too full, but I feel like I’m struggling to keep up this week. I’m working on a proposal for a big project that will hopefully pan out and finalizing several other projects in progress.
All of my kids had their first full day of school on different days, so there’s been some juggling. I even took my 5-year-old to a meeting with me the other day. Of course, my phone was the obvious choice for entertaining her. She must’ve had a good time. This is just a sample of what I found in my pictures later that night:
I’m still undecided if I’m going to hire her as my assistant. . .
I had another post planned for today, but this has been one of those mornings, complete with a big dose of mommy guilt. I’m pretty new at this whole “working mother” thing, and I’m not sure I’m adjusting as well as my kids are. The last time I worked full time was before I had my oldest, and I have been very blessed to be able to stay home with my babies. On a whim, I started this blog and my design business, having no idea that I would work myself into an almost full-time job. The opportunities that have come my way in such a short time blow my mind, and I believe that it is God blessing my endeavors.
Up until recently, when people would ask if I worked, I would still say that I stayed home and decorated on the side. It hit me when I was filling out school registration papers this year and I listed an occupation and a work number, that things have changed. Truthfully, it scares me a little. And, excites me all at the same time.
I’ve always known I’m not June Cleaver. My free time will never include baking cookies for pleasure or even volunteering at school. I love my kids bigger than the world, but I also need some time to think about other things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. I like putting on big girl shoes, meeting new people, being creative, and yes, even being able to contribute (if only in a small way) to my family’s income. I know that there are mothers reading this who are shaking their heads in agreement and others who are shaking their heads in disgust. We, mothers, can be a really judgmental group, but the truth is, you have to make the decisions that work best for you and your family.
I’m 100% sure all mothers struggle with this guilt thing—even those who make things look effortless (surely they hide in their closets and have breakdowns every now and then. . . ). Some of us are just better at keeping it to ourselves than others, I guess. I love my pal Camila’s guest post series “In Her Shoes” (you can read my entry here) where she asks other bloggers to document a day in their lives. I have to say, though, that I often read those posts and wonder what I’m doing wrong. How can these girls get so much done in a day and still have the energy to make dinner and read books to their kids? When do they flop out on the couch in exhaustion and eat chips just because? Again, it’s the whole comparison thing. Nobody knows anybody else’s “real” life, and when you start comparing yourself to others, it can just make you plain crazy.
I’m not sure why I decided to share all of this today. I consider my readers my friends, though–well, most of you, at least :) and blogging about it has been a little therapeutic for me. So, thanks. And, if you’ve got any advice on the mommy guilt thing, I’m all ears.
Back to design talk tomorrow, I promise.